Gaslighting can occur in unique ways in some of the most damaging, unhealthy relationships, where the other party manipulates conversations to minimize your feelings. But there are hallmark expressions and tactics that most can learn to associate with this toxic practice once they've learned to do so — “You’re blowing things way out of proportion.” “You’re misunderstanding what I’m saying.” “You’re just crazy.” If you're catching yourself recognizing these phrases while confronting your partner, sibling or your boss, all while constantly second-guessing yourself or apologizing for things you can't recall, you've fallen victim to gaslighting.
Gaslighting takes place when someone “tries to get another person or a group of people to question or doubt their own beliefs or their own reality,” explains Danielle Hairston, M.D., assistant professor of psychiatry and psychiatry residency training director at Howard University. “It’s a manipulation tactic.”
She adds that gaslighters accuse their victims of exaggerating or misunderstanding a situation and sometimes deny that an event ever happened. This leaves victims of gaslighting questioning a past or present situation, as well as the intentions of others’ statements or actions and whether they’re reacting appropriately.
The term originated from a 1938 play by Patrick Hamilton and the 1944 film adaptation Gaslight. In the movie, a wife starts to doubt her sanity after her manipulative husband starts slowly dimming the gas lamps in their home and making other changes to their environment. When she brings it up, he tells her she’s forgetful, imagining things and behaving oddly, and isolates her from others.
Gaslighters strive to make someone lose trust and confidence in themselves or feel confused about reality, Dr. Hairston says, “It’s trying to distract you or deflect guilt or accountability and responsibility. Sometimes, it’s even harsher, like someone is trying to belittle you or damage or chip away at your self-esteem.”
Gaslighting takes place when someone “tries to get another person or a group of people to question or doubt their own beliefs or their own reality,” explains Danielle Hairston, M.D., assistant professor of psychiatry and psychiatry residency training director at Howard University. “It’s a manipulation tactic.”
She adds that gaslighters accuse their victims of exaggerating or misunderstanding a situation and sometimes deny that an event ever happened. This leaves victims of gaslighting questioning a past or present situation, as well as the intentions of others’ statements or actions and whether they’re reacting appropriately.
What is gaslighting, exactly?
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, where someone is manipulated into “doubting his or her perceptions, experiences, or understanding of events,” according to the American Psychological Association (APA). It previously referred to extreme manipulation that could lead to someone developing a mental illness or needing to be committed to a psychiatric institution, but the APA says it’s used more generally now.The term originated from a 1938 play by Patrick Hamilton and the 1944 film adaptation Gaslight. In the movie, a wife starts to doubt her sanity after her manipulative husband starts slowly dimming the gas lamps in their home and making other changes to their environment. When she brings it up, he tells her she’s forgetful, imagining things and behaving oddly, and isolates her from others.
Gaslighters strive to make someone lose trust and confidence in themselves or feel confused about reality, Dr. Hairston says, “It’s trying to distract you or deflect guilt or accountability and responsibility. Sometimes, it’s even harsher, like someone is trying to belittle you or damage or chip away at your self-esteem.”
